So there are many things I love about Tyler, but something that I thoroughly enjoy is his sleeptalking. I remember the first few months of being married to him I couldn't believe how funny it was. I know that a lot of people talk in their sleep and it isn't anything new or unusual, but Tyler doesn't just talk in his sleep. He gets up and walks around and puts on a show. Now that I have a 2 month old and am up twice a night every night I have a hard time sleeping and I get to hear Tyler talk a whole lot more.
The other night he said something pretty funny (don't worry I got his permission to write this). I was trying to fall asleep by watching the Office on my phone with headphones when I heard and felt him fart really loud. He was sleeping so I just ignored it. Then he turned over to face me and said really loudly "What the HELL was that?" I laughed to myself and told him that he farted. Then he said even more loudly "It felt like someone shoved dynamite up my ass!" I could not stop laughing hysterically. I laughed literally for about 5 minutes off and on that it actually woke him up. He had no idea why I was laughing. After telling him what he said he replied "Courtney, what is wrong with me? I'm sick of talking in my sleep!"
This was actually a very mild episode compared to what he has done in the past. Just to give you a taste I will tell you about a few of his most memorable episodes.
Prison Break
When we first got married we were a little addicted to Netflix. We loved watching TV series that we never had the chance to watch and we would have marathons. One of those series we watched was Prison Break. The main character's name is Michael Schoefield and the show is pretty much about him trying to run from people trying to capture him or kill him. So one night I woke up and Tyler's feet were elevated in the air facing his pillow. I sat up to figure out what he was doing and his head and arms were off the edge of the bed. We have a really low bed so it looked like he was doing pushups or something. Wondering what the crap he was doing I said "Tyler, what are you doing?" He spun around so quickly and stood up at the edge of the bed and yelled "Courtney, if I don't pop all of these balloons with my teeth Michael Schoefield will DIE!"
The Dead Bird
This happened a little later in our marriage and I was used to him talking and walking in his sleep. So one night I woke up to Tyler smacking me in the face with the back of his hand. I sat up about to yell at Tyler, but found him frantically ripping the sheets of the bed. Apparently it was this frantic ripping that caused him to smack me in the face. After asking him what he was doing he turned to me and said "There is a dead bird in our bed! Hurry help me get it out!" This time I was a little annoyed because I got to bed really late and had a long busy day ahead of me so I was not in the mood to be awake. I rudely told him that there wasn't a dead bird in our bed and to go back to sleep. He got SO angry with me and couldn't believe that I wouldn't help him find the bird. After arguing back and forth he got out of bed walked to the door and said "I hope the dead bird eats you!" and slammed the bedroom door. I laughed to myself and then fell back asleep. A few hours later I woke up and noticed that Tyler was still gone. I got a little worried because I've heard sleepwalkers can actually leave the house and it can get dangerous so I went outside our bedroom to check and see where he was. I found him out on the couch sleeping. I woke him up to tell him to come to bed and he yelled at me saying that I needed to go away because he was mad at me. I was curious if he actually remembered what had happened earlier subconsciously so I asked him why he was mad at me. He replied "You hid my XBOX and I can't find it!" I pointed to the xbox by the tv and said "Tyler it's right here!" He then said "That is the fake xbox! Where is the real one?" I started laughing and just decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he comes into the bedroom completely awake and asked me why he was out on the couch! If only I had a nightvision camera so I could video tape him.
Research
Another night I woke up to Tyler screaming "WE'RE GONNA DIE!" I have learned over time that if I respond to him and ask him questions it is much more amusing. So I asked Tyler why we are going to die and he responded "I don't know I just know we are going to die if I don't do something to stop it!" So he then gets out of bed and grabs his laptop that is on his nightstand and begins typing really fast. I asked him what he was doing on his taptop and he responded very matter of factly "RESEARCH!" After a few minutes of watching him type and got out of bed so I could see what he was doing on the computer. When I looked at the screen it was still on the back screen. He wasn't even doing anything! After seeing that I started laughing out loud which frustrated Tyler. He kept screaming at me saying "I can't believe that you aren't doing anything! We are going to die!" Finally after I calmed down and stopped laughing he turned to me and said "well I'm not going to die, but you are. I did my research!" That got me laughing again which always frustrates him when he is talking in his sleep. After a lot of yelling at me he finally got out of bed and screamed "We're going to fu***** die" grabbed the computer and began typing again. After a few minutes of typing the light finally woke him up and he was so confused and asked me why he was on his computer. I can't believe he has no idea what he is doing. That is the only time I have heard him say the F word. He definitely has a potty mouth while he is sleeping.
So as you can see Tyler is pretty amusing while he is sleeping. He hates it, but I honestly LOVE it!
